A “What the Fuck” Machine
Last Friday, I finally took the plunge. Kicked off my Crocs, peeled open what looked like a giant cosmic egg, and slipped into what can only be described as a WTF machine.
This wasn’t just a fancy bathtub, the cocoon was a floating tank. Floating therapy (or sensory deprivation therapy in geek speak), involves lying in a dark, soundproof tank filled with warm water and Epsom salt, allowing the body to float effortlessly. Dead Sea style. The goal is to minimize sensory input to promote relaxation and mental clarity.
Some of the benefits (supported by both anecdotal and scientific evidence) include:
- Stress Reduction: The sensory deprivation environment calms the nervous system. Cortisol levels (a stress hormone) may drop, promoting deep relaxation.
- Pain Relief: Epsom salt (magnesium sulfate) may reduce muscle tension and inflammation.
- Enhanced Sleep Quality: Floating can improve sleep patterns and help with insomnia. Who still counts sheep anyway?
- Improved Focus and Creativity: The brain enters a theta wave state—associated with deep meditation and inspiration.
- Faster Recovery for Athletes: Reduces lactic acid buildup and muscle soreness. Encourages quicker recovery after intense training or competition.
- Anxiety and Depression Relief: Cheaper than therapy, but still not a replacement (my therapist made me add that).
- Increased Magnesium Absorption: Absorbing magnesium through the skin may support cardiovascular, muscular, and nervous system health.
My virgin voyage was mind-blowing. I turned off all lights and floated in complete darkness (rookie mistake—apparently there’s a “stars” button that projects a mini-galaxy on the ceiling). I tried listening to meditation music while wearing earplugs to avoid water in my ears, which is like ordering a diet coke with your super-sized meal—somewhat contradictory. But it worked.
The experience wasn’t entirely soundproof: I could the jets from a nearby hydro-massage chair that sounded like someone was making espresso in the next room. Luckily they left half way into my 45 minutes session.
I floated as if in space. It was a very relaxing experience, and I even slept for a bit.
10/10 will float again. Next time with stars and a rubber duck.